Homesickness/Independence

The longer that I am away from home, makes me miss it a little more. I have every intention of renewing a contract if it is presented to me but it does not stop the pangs of loneliness. I am comfortable in Korea, but there are so many aspects of my old life that is not here. I wish that I could go chill with the guys, eat dinner with one of my many families, hang out with my girls and attend gay church, be protective of my baby sister or show my parents that I have grown into someone they could be proud of, but I can't from so far away.

I told a friend recently that this has been one of the happiest times of my life and I am not lying, but I would be if I did not say that I did not admit to being lonely sometimes. I have some friends here, and they are great, but I find that I go into seclusion sometimes and try to distance myself. Back at home there was no such thing as personal space. None of us gave each other the luxury of being away from the others.

I miss sitting with Trina and Kristina gossiping about things that are only fascinating to us, I miss board game and video game nights with the guys, I miss seeing my family on a daily basis, but there is something bigger that is holding me to Korea. I am not sure why, but I just cannot leave yet.

I am trying to think positively and focus upon the good aspects of Korea. I have awesome kids, making great money, have an overall good life that is satisfying. If only I could have the best of both worlds. This lifestyle plus my old one as well. It is nice to hear from friends and family from home. Everyone seems to be doing well and it is funny to hear everyone talk about a few care packages that I might end up getting by the time I come home. At least people are being honest and telling me that it is in limbo. :p thanks guys.