I have an hour to kill before it is time for preboarding. There is a pit in the middle of my stomach and I am trying to distinguish the reason for it. This feeling of anxiousness began at 5am this morning when I woke up and could not go back to bed. It settled down for a bit and I went along the routine to make sure that I did not get to the airport without the proper identification or information. Jecheon, the city that I reside in, has a new direct service bus to Incheon International airport. It is a long journey that takes almost four hours, but being able to avoid the inconvenience of switching buses is worth it. So the four hours plus the wait of almost four hours at the airport itself has made for a long day. The plane ride is another 11.5 hours and then I will be home.
Now back to the main point, the feelings of anxiety has taken over as I am about to leave, albeit for a short time, from the place that I have been calling home for the last 9 months. Truthfully, there has been a few times where I have left Jecheon to go to Seoul and felt a more mild reaction. Maybe it is the fear that everyone has grown in a direction different than my own and I will feel like an alien in a place that I have called home for 17 years.
I know that Korea is not a perfect place and there are many difficulties that have been faced with more to come in the future. I have been living alone and the thought of going back home and reverting back to the person I was scares me.
Could I have fallen in love with a country that has this love/hate relationship with the foreign community? The possibilities are high and there is no doubt that I have grown fond of the lifestyle. Although my workload is continuously increasing, it is gratifying.
Reverse cultureshock is setting in and I am not even ready to move home yet.
I will focus on the positive aspects such as seeing my family and friends, getting to sleep in my old bed, and indulging in all of the minute things that use to bring me joy.
October of 2010 will be difficult if these emotions are surfacing already.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
A New Hope... -_-*
Yeah, that title is a new low, even for me. Oh well!
This week has been awesome, I only taught one day. The reason why I only taught one day was because my kids had exams on Monday, Tuesday was the open class, and I taught Wednesday, left for the mandatory foreigners retreat on Thursday and stayed over until today. I had my last open class and received many positive comments. I have been gorging on some ridiculously delicious food.
It is amazing how much I got to learn about the Korean culture in the one day I spent in Chungju. The highlights of the trip has to be meeting some really cool foreigners that live in the same province, learning Taek Gyeon (Korean dancing martial arts), going to see a traditional Korean orchestra perform with some modern K-Pop/B-Boy flavor, and learning how to play the gayageum (a traditional 12 string instrument).
On this trip, I learned to throw my inhibitions away and just have fun in whatever activities we were doing. It was nice to not care about looking like a fool and just actively participate. To be honest, I thought I would not enjoy the martial arts or learning how to play the gayageum, but it was a great experience that I will never forget. I learned four ways of how to throw another foreigner down. I have a blister on the tip of my pointer finger from playing the instrument for an hour. By the end of the lesson, I was disappointed that we had to stop because it felt like I had only been playing for 20 minutes.
For being socially awkward, I made two friends that I could see myself keeping in contact with. One girl is so laid back and I had a blast. She invited me to come visit her any time in Cheongju and I will take her up on it. Her outlook on life was probably the most appealing thing to me. She lived two minutes from the beach in Cape Town, South Africa, but she uprooted herself to experience something new. She understands that this lifestyle will always be available to her in the future, if she wants it, but to live with the possible regret of not trying something new can never be erased. The other person lives in my city and he is beyond eccentric. I did not know if I would like his personality at first, but once we got into this banter, it was a neat connection. Normally, he is not the type of person I would be friends with, but I have learned that different is not always bad. In this instance, it made for one whacked out retreat.
I wished I took pictures of this trip, but sometimes it feels like you are missing out on life by trying to capture it all the time. Safe to say that I will continue to let others worry about recording memories while I live them.
This week has been awesome, I only taught one day. The reason why I only taught one day was because my kids had exams on Monday, Tuesday was the open class, and I taught Wednesday, left for the mandatory foreigners retreat on Thursday and stayed over until today. I had my last open class and received many positive comments. I have been gorging on some ridiculously delicious food.
It is amazing how much I got to learn about the Korean culture in the one day I spent in Chungju. The highlights of the trip has to be meeting some really cool foreigners that live in the same province, learning Taek Gyeon (Korean dancing martial arts), going to see a traditional Korean orchestra perform with some modern K-Pop/B-Boy flavor, and learning how to play the gayageum (a traditional 12 string instrument).
On this trip, I learned to throw my inhibitions away and just have fun in whatever activities we were doing. It was nice to not care about looking like a fool and just actively participate. To be honest, I thought I would not enjoy the martial arts or learning how to play the gayageum, but it was a great experience that I will never forget. I learned four ways of how to throw another foreigner down. I have a blister on the tip of my pointer finger from playing the instrument for an hour. By the end of the lesson, I was disappointed that we had to stop because it felt like I had only been playing for 20 minutes.
For being socially awkward, I made two friends that I could see myself keeping in contact with. One girl is so laid back and I had a blast. She invited me to come visit her any time in Cheongju and I will take her up on it. Her outlook on life was probably the most appealing thing to me. She lived two minutes from the beach in Cape Town, South Africa, but she uprooted herself to experience something new. She understands that this lifestyle will always be available to her in the future, if she wants it, but to live with the possible regret of not trying something new can never be erased. The other person lives in my city and he is beyond eccentric. I did not know if I would like his personality at first, but once we got into this banter, it was a neat connection. Normally, he is not the type of person I would be friends with, but I have learned that different is not always bad. In this instance, it made for one whacked out retreat.
I wished I took pictures of this trip, but sometimes it feels like you are missing out on life by trying to capture it all the time. Safe to say that I will continue to let others worry about recording memories while I live them.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Again & Again & Again & Again
Sorry, cannot help but insert a K-Pop song into the title. Although, I do not have it in me to become a serial blogger, a tranquil day can illicit quite a bit of thinking. Hwadang’s holding a camp out, so I was given a free day. The irony is that with this free day, I think about my occupational endeavors. The working hours have lessened dramatically, but I still feel like I am working full time. If I am not teaching; I am lesson planning, helping kids with their academy homework, teaching after school classes, doing teachers' conversation classes or taking on a few private tutoring sessions. These things are not overly complicated because I am teaching a subject that I enjoy. It brings me great joy to see these kids excel, because it is not about me, it is about them. My mentality about education focuses upon positive reinforcement and encouragement. Many foreigners have told me that the kids do relish the time that they have with us more because we are less strict than their regular teachers. So why not engage the kids and make them feel like class can be enjoyable.
The initial plan was to come to Korea to escape from a life filled with overworking and have some fun. The strained aspect of my life has not changed much, but I can say that my job is satisfying. This could be one of the best experiences I have had in understanding what I need in my life. The days of excessive drinking, laziness and apathy towards improving my health are over and I just need to find balance.
An issue with living such a disciplined lifestyle, in regards to my professional life, manifests itself in days where I need relaxation and me time. I need a vacation; time where I can just sit back and not worry about what needs to be accomplished or any of the other hustle that being a grown up, or even vacation, can bring. Is there such a thing as a vacation from a vacation? I cannot wait to go home, even though my time is already jammed pack, there will be times where I can go workout or to California. I think a few days in the Golden State will do me good.
I find it strange how some people just compliment each other. In most aspects of my life; I am very domineering, but when it comes to travel or sightseeing, I am more passive. Kristina or Katrina is always good with that stuff; they plan events but never to the point where it feels overwhelming. Holding no expectations and going with the flow has guaranteed positive outcomes, so that is the plan for next month. Winter vacation will be filled with Southeast Asia and some Japan time if Kristina comes to visit. It will be nice to see everyone again. (& again & again & again) Sorry it was too easy.
The initial plan was to come to Korea to escape from a life filled with overworking and have some fun. The strained aspect of my life has not changed much, but I can say that my job is satisfying. This could be one of the best experiences I have had in understanding what I need in my life. The days of excessive drinking, laziness and apathy towards improving my health are over and I just need to find balance.
An issue with living such a disciplined lifestyle, in regards to my professional life, manifests itself in days where I need relaxation and me time. I need a vacation; time where I can just sit back and not worry about what needs to be accomplished or any of the other hustle that being a grown up, or even vacation, can bring. Is there such a thing as a vacation from a vacation? I cannot wait to go home, even though my time is already jammed pack, there will be times where I can go workout or to California. I think a few days in the Golden State will do me good.
I find it strange how some people just compliment each other. In most aspects of my life; I am very domineering, but when it comes to travel or sightseeing, I am more passive. Kristina or Katrina is always good with that stuff; they plan events but never to the point where it feels overwhelming. Holding no expectations and going with the flow has guaranteed positive outcomes, so that is the plan for next month. Winter vacation will be filled with Southeast Asia and some Japan time if Kristina comes to visit. It will be nice to see everyone again. (& again & again & again) Sorry it was too easy.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Revisiting, Reverting, and Refining
Sometimes the thought about revisiting one's past can send chills down their spine, but looking back does not always have to be painful. Certain points will always elicit cringes; some might bring back warm feelings of comfort, while others could be looked back upon in a few years and make you think, "Damn you got it right the first time".
Striving to live a more sound and harmonious life does not come without a few pitfalls. There will always be people who are determined to antagonize, sabotage or create obstacles to make the journey more difficult. For those who have known me for years; they can attest to the fact that my temper can be anywhere from mild to catastrophic. This has quelled since coming to Korea. Most likely the fear of starting anew had snubbed out the fire, but it was never fully extinguished.
The world comprises of so much negativity and to witness this, often takes a toll on a person. The ease in which one could fall into this crowd tends to be high. Jaded individuals are everywhere and they try to spread their disillusionment to the others. More often than not, the bitter will gravitate towards those who wish to see a more optimistic outlook. Difficulties lie in discerning whether they want to improve their own point of view or if they want to drag the other person down. A part of me believes that the answer is both. They see hope and that creates a sense of comfort, but then it is easy to look at the optimist as a fool for wanting to believe there is intrinsic goodness.
The trouble of removing oneself from a place of comfort to relocate to new surroundings lies in the necessity to form bonds. This often leads to people changing many aspects of them to manufacture these relationships. For instance, my temper has subsided for quite a while. It has been 8 months since I have voiced my true feelings on anything. A part of why this occurred was due to this very problem. Another was that I was in a foreign land with customs that are not as common to my own. So I decided not judge those around me because other people's differences can help in one's growth, but this is not always the true.
Due to recent events, this subdued nature has been pushed to the limits. For instance; I have been insulted and harassed by this one girl. At first, I thought that she was just being overly playful and the language barrier between us helped in creating this misunderstanding, but it became a real issue of constant text messages at odd hours and continuous disrespect. At first, I went along with it, but as time went on, I finally snapped and told her off. I have not heard from her since. There are so many abrasive people in the world and that bothers me. To remain positive is not easily accomplished, but the refusal to give into their negative ways endures.
To stress about every minute detail would change the person that I am. This amalgamation of the laid back attitude and the straight talking personas might be the most beneficial to my state of being.
Striving to live a more sound and harmonious life does not come without a few pitfalls. There will always be people who are determined to antagonize, sabotage or create obstacles to make the journey more difficult. For those who have known me for years; they can attest to the fact that my temper can be anywhere from mild to catastrophic. This has quelled since coming to Korea. Most likely the fear of starting anew had snubbed out the fire, but it was never fully extinguished.
The world comprises of so much negativity and to witness this, often takes a toll on a person. The ease in which one could fall into this crowd tends to be high. Jaded individuals are everywhere and they try to spread their disillusionment to the others. More often than not, the bitter will gravitate towards those who wish to see a more optimistic outlook. Difficulties lie in discerning whether they want to improve their own point of view or if they want to drag the other person down. A part of me believes that the answer is both. They see hope and that creates a sense of comfort, but then it is easy to look at the optimist as a fool for wanting to believe there is intrinsic goodness.
The trouble of removing oneself from a place of comfort to relocate to new surroundings lies in the necessity to form bonds. This often leads to people changing many aspects of them to manufacture these relationships. For instance, my temper has subsided for quite a while. It has been 8 months since I have voiced my true feelings on anything. A part of why this occurred was due to this very problem. Another was that I was in a foreign land with customs that are not as common to my own. So I decided not judge those around me because other people's differences can help in one's growth, but this is not always the true.
Due to recent events, this subdued nature has been pushed to the limits. For instance; I have been insulted and harassed by this one girl. At first, I thought that she was just being overly playful and the language barrier between us helped in creating this misunderstanding, but it became a real issue of constant text messages at odd hours and continuous disrespect. At first, I went along with it, but as time went on, I finally snapped and told her off. I have not heard from her since. There are so many abrasive people in the world and that bothers me. To remain positive is not easily accomplished, but the refusal to give into their negative ways endures.
To stress about every minute detail would change the person that I am. This amalgamation of the laid back attitude and the straight talking personas might be the most beneficial to my state of being.
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