Revisiting, Reverting, and Refining

Sometimes the thought about revisiting one's past can send chills down their spine, but looking back does not always have to be painful. Certain points will always elicit cringes; some might bring back warm feelings of comfort, while others could be looked back upon in a few years and make you think, "Damn you got it right the first time".

Striving to live a more sound and harmonious life does not come without a few pitfalls. There will always be people who are determined to antagonize, sabotage or create obstacles to make the journey more difficult. For those who have known me for years; they can attest to the fact that my temper can be anywhere from mild to catastrophic. This has quelled since coming to Korea. Most likely the fear of starting anew had snubbed out the fire, but it was never fully extinguished.

The world comprises of so much negativity and to witness this, often takes a toll on a person. The ease in which one could fall into this crowd tends to be high. Jaded individuals are everywhere and they try to spread their disillusionment to the others. More often than not, the bitter will gravitate towards those who wish to see a more optimistic outlook. Difficulties lie in discerning whether they want to improve their own point of view or if they want to drag the other person down. A part of me believes that the answer is both. They see hope and that creates a sense of comfort, but then it is easy to look at the optimist as a fool for wanting to believe there is intrinsic goodness.

The trouble of removing oneself from a place of comfort to relocate to new surroundings lies in the necessity to form bonds. This often leads to people changing many aspects of them to manufacture these relationships. For instance, my temper has subsided for quite a while. It has been 8 months since I have voiced my true feelings on anything. A part of why this occurred was due to this very problem. Another was that I was in a foreign land with customs that are not as common to my own. So I decided not judge those around me because other people's differences can help in one's growth, but this is not always the true.

Due to recent events, this subdued nature has been pushed to the limits. For instance; I have been insulted and harassed by this one girl. At first, I thought that she was just being overly playful and the language barrier between us helped in creating this misunderstanding, but it became a real issue of constant text messages at odd hours and continuous disrespect. At first, I went along with it, but as time went on, I finally snapped and told her off. I have not heard from her since. There are so many abrasive people in the world and that bothers me. To remain positive is not easily accomplished, but the refusal to give into their negative ways endures.

To stress about every minute detail would change the person that I am. This amalgamation of the laid back attitude and the straight talking personas might be the most beneficial to my state of being.