The verge of spring has allowed many insecurities to manifest. The new school year has become a burden and English classes have not even started. Attending one of my schools' welcoming dinner allowed me hear what others thought about me. With alcohol abundantly flowing; teachers who would be too petrified to speak to me tried to be more open while those who were always kind began to give observations on my character. The general consensus; I am a kind and caring individual who always has a bright smile on his face, but they do not get to see the insecure and self-deprecating side that close friends and family see. For centuries, literature has been littered with characters of similar description and it almost feels dated to be this way.
Can a person truly be happy all the time? Living life as though no hardship or doubt is insurmountable proves to be taxing. I want to see in myself, what I see in others. Instead of focusing on the lackluster qualities, why not concentrate on the more favorable ones. The life that I live is not even my own. Always in search of approval, the worry of what others think dictate my self worth. Even if my looks, one aspect that I find below par, was not to be factored into the equation would I be happy? No, because it is just one of the obstacles that I place in front of myself as an excuse.
The biggest blow came when I expressed my loneliness to my mom during our weekly talk. The topic of how most people around me have or had found love and it is something I lack and want. I had expressed the fear of not finding it and that was the first time were I felt as if my parents did not understand me. I know that they love me unconditionally, but I am not sure if they are as modern as I have always perceived them to be. I wold never want them to lie to me to lull me into a state of false promises, but the options my mom laid out felt as if a loving relationship was not even a possibility. One option was to move back to be close to family that love me. The other was to wait until I get older to adopt a child and focus my energy into that individual. In the past, these would have been good enough options, but not anymore. Most of the blame falls on me because I have never expressed any desire to pursue a relationship so my parents have come to think of me as a neutral being. The reality of what my mom said/did not say hurt, at first, because it felt as if romantic love was not a possibility for me.
In other aspects of my life, I am willing to take risk, but not in love. I have uprooted myself from everyone and everything I knew to move to Korea in hopes of learning more about myself and a different culture. I am grateful for this experience because I have been able to grow to my full potential in this country. Now it is time for me to move on and continue to improve. I am not sure if I can be more relaxed when it comes to romantic love, but it is worth trying. At 24, to believe in first love sounds like wishful thinking, but I want to think that it is possible. Soon another chapter will unfold and hopefully I will be brave enough to obtain what I want.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Heart Pains
The atmosphere around school has been a mixture of excitement due to the end of the school term, sadness because of sixth grade graduation, and surprisingly the lack of gravity when referring to two students losing their father. It is difficult to fathom how much pain must be coursing through the hearts and minds of these children because they lost their mother last year, received a step-mother that did not want to take care of them, had to witness their legal guardians fight over who needs to take responsibility for them, went to live in their church, having said step-mother try to send them off to the orphanage, yet still have the courage to smile. Their classmates talk about this recent matter with such ease and I know for a fact that most of them have dealt with a lose of a love at one point or another, but it does not negate how desensitized these kids are to death.
One can easily argue that their lack of a stable home life manufactured the product of their emotional state, but the country school children are the most genuinely loving individuals. If anything manifests from this here, it is not pity, but true admiration. On of the teacher says that the fifth grade boy has anger issues, which he bottles up inside, and does not know how to deal with them. The little experience that I have had with him has been the polar opposite of what I have been told. He has an apparent apprehension to being touched and does not put efforts into his studies, but I refuse to give up on him. Yes, he did flinch a little when I initiated a hug, but he quickly recovered and allowed me to embrace him. In class, he tends to be more introspective, but if opportunities arise, he will contribute to the lesson and there is true potential within him. His third grade sister could be described as the polar opposite. Although, she is not loud or overtly extroverted, she is a ray of sunshine when she smiles.
For some, the level of English that a students speaks incites a bond, but the opposite has rang true in my year of teaching. These children, for example, are not able to communicate with me beyond a few stock phrases before we begin playing charades with a mixture of English and Korean thrown in. It does not bother me that not all of my students speak English, because languages are difficult and not everyone thrives in this subject. They try so hard to communicate and I appreciate it.
How much can a teacher do for their students has been a reoccuring theme recently. Although, I understand that educators have taken advantage of students before and that has lead to this caution towards personal relationships, I still want to show these children that someone does love and care about them. I hope that they will get to stay at the school because they need some form of stability in their lives.
I have also become hesitant towards meeting students outside of the classroom because a religious nut bag has tried to use a student to convert me before. One of my favorite students asked me to hot chocolate one day out of the blue, and I agreed, to find out that the preacher had filled his head with notions of me burning in hell if he did not get me baptized immediately. So, now, I am apprehensive to one of my former students asking to see me. Maybe, I am being overtly cautious, but this seems like a conspiracy. This student takes piano lessons with the too friendly, borderline intrusive teacher that I cut ties with in the spring. She started to text me again after months of nothing. She is extremely religious and I fear that this all intertwines somewhere. I should take my friends advice and not think of this as a trap until it unfolds that way because it could be that the student really does want to see me. I will try my best to stay positive even though there are so many elements that scream entrapment.
One can easily argue that their lack of a stable home life manufactured the product of their emotional state, but the country school children are the most genuinely loving individuals. If anything manifests from this here, it is not pity, but true admiration. On of the teacher says that the fifth grade boy has anger issues, which he bottles up inside, and does not know how to deal with them. The little experience that I have had with him has been the polar opposite of what I have been told. He has an apparent apprehension to being touched and does not put efforts into his studies, but I refuse to give up on him. Yes, he did flinch a little when I initiated a hug, but he quickly recovered and allowed me to embrace him. In class, he tends to be more introspective, but if opportunities arise, he will contribute to the lesson and there is true potential within him. His third grade sister could be described as the polar opposite. Although, she is not loud or overtly extroverted, she is a ray of sunshine when she smiles.
For some, the level of English that a students speaks incites a bond, but the opposite has rang true in my year of teaching. These children, for example, are not able to communicate with me beyond a few stock phrases before we begin playing charades with a mixture of English and Korean thrown in. It does not bother me that not all of my students speak English, because languages are difficult and not everyone thrives in this subject. They try so hard to communicate and I appreciate it.
How much can a teacher do for their students has been a reoccuring theme recently. Although, I understand that educators have taken advantage of students before and that has lead to this caution towards personal relationships, I still want to show these children that someone does love and care about them. I hope that they will get to stay at the school because they need some form of stability in their lives.
I have also become hesitant towards meeting students outside of the classroom because a religious nut bag has tried to use a student to convert me before. One of my favorite students asked me to hot chocolate one day out of the blue, and I agreed, to find out that the preacher had filled his head with notions of me burning in hell if he did not get me baptized immediately. So, now, I am apprehensive to one of my former students asking to see me. Maybe, I am being overtly cautious, but this seems like a conspiracy. This student takes piano lessons with the too friendly, borderline intrusive teacher that I cut ties with in the spring. She started to text me again after months of nothing. She is extremely religious and I fear that this all intertwines somewhere. I should take my friends advice and not think of this as a trap until it unfolds that way because it could be that the student really does want to see me. I will try my best to stay positive even though there are so many elements that scream entrapment.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The First Snow Fall
Another year has passed and the change of colors in the leaves are more of a welcomed sight than the last. The one year anniversary of my arrival to this foreign country has come and gone without much fuss and the feeling of home has set in. With time, even the most difficult of situations do not seem like such a big deal.
Korea holds a beauty that I have often neglected to see. No one carries more fault than myself for this. So fixated on work, I do not take enough time to bask in the simple splendors that life offers. In retrospect, it is laughable how adamantly I deny being a workaholic. With the quick fall; the exquisite hues of red, yellow, and orange leaves paint the mountainside with splashes of fiery brilliance. The hike up Yongdusan granted a magnificent experience that I did not get to partake in last year.
The last few months started to ware on my patience; the students misbehavior, last minute changes, added workload and lack of respect began to drive me crazy. I will be the first to admit that I possess many flaws, but to own up to them shows one's true character. My expectations of others might not be healthy, but where do we draw the line on making excuses for others? After a long and drawn out ten months, I finally dropped one of my extra lessons. The mother of this student was not pleased and proceeded turn the blame onto me. It is astonishing how people can not take responsibility for their own actions or in this case understand that the circumstances are not conducive for individual growth. For one, to think that children will always be receptive to a lesson plan is absurd, their enthusiasm will always vary so take it with a grain of salt.
Now that my weekends are filled with hanging out, working out or traveling I have lost the urge to write about life. I should bring the travel log around with me so that I can write about how I feel in that precise moment.
Korea holds a beauty that I have often neglected to see. No one carries more fault than myself for this. So fixated on work, I do not take enough time to bask in the simple splendors that life offers. In retrospect, it is laughable how adamantly I deny being a workaholic. With the quick fall; the exquisite hues of red, yellow, and orange leaves paint the mountainside with splashes of fiery brilliance. The hike up Yongdusan granted a magnificent experience that I did not get to partake in last year.
The last few months started to ware on my patience; the students misbehavior, last minute changes, added workload and lack of respect began to drive me crazy. I will be the first to admit that I possess many flaws, but to own up to them shows one's true character. My expectations of others might not be healthy, but where do we draw the line on making excuses for others? After a long and drawn out ten months, I finally dropped one of my extra lessons. The mother of this student was not pleased and proceeded turn the blame onto me. It is astonishing how people can not take responsibility for their own actions or in this case understand that the circumstances are not conducive for individual growth. For one, to think that children will always be receptive to a lesson plan is absurd, their enthusiasm will always vary so take it with a grain of salt.
Now that my weekends are filled with hanging out, working out or traveling I have lost the urge to write about life. I should bring the travel log around with me so that I can write about how I feel in that precise moment.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
When pushed to the edge.
This past month sure has been eventful to say the least. The self made chaos almost spiraled out of control, but has been reigned in for now. The craziness of being hospitalized for a day, placed under constant supervision, the invasiveness of an IV and then placed on mandatory bed rest has taught me that working to the point of exhaustion is not a good way to live. Money should not be the main motivator in the determination of one’s life and to live in isolation does not truly ease the discomfort of loneliness.
There are periods where I do reminisce about what was or obsess about the future, but now the present is the only thing of true importance. Regret tends to be such a wasteful emotion, why bother with feeling awkward or despondent about an event or moment that occurred in the past. Easier said then done, but the cycles of self-deprecation and contempt has substantially decreased.
In all honesty, there never seems to be a moment of peace in this mind. When the promise of transcendence appears, some squalor of discourse materializes to dash the too short amount of tranquility. I have come to my wits end when it comes to insubordination; what once was possible to overlook has turned to be the agenda for reform and cannot be condoned anymore. The city schools have become this beast that is uncontrollable; when it comes to children, the leeway granted use to be vast, but has begun to dwindle with my patience. The blatant disrespect for the “faux” teacher culminated in a few uncharacteristic outbursts. For instance; one student, in particular, will always start fights with others during break period, for some reason he thought he could get away with laying a hand on me so the retaliation was a swift smack across his face. The next week another student thought it would be hilarious to perform a sliding tackle, which ended with a few strikes by his own slipper. A girl thought that the best way to gain my attention while I was helping another student with their composition was to scream in my ear from a foot away. A quick lash from a folder binding across her arm and being sent on out of the classroom was the kindest penalty that would get through to her. The for the most part, it is the same students that seem to push these boundaries. Their faces tend to be ever present in the category of most disrespectful and foul mannered degenerates that I have ever been so displeased to meet. There are nights where the question of whether it was necessary to use corporal punishment on them was appropriate, but the use of kindness and positive reinforcement has only lead to worst behavior.
I am not proud of whom I have become, but I am not ashamed of it either. Korea, in general, emphasizes respect towards one’s teacher, but there tends to be a lack of that towards the foreign educator. The line between instructor and friend often confuses the students; I might be closer to their age then other their teachers, share the same interest as them and joke around with them more, but they cannot forget all their manners.
While the stress of the job has crept up, turning to my social life has been a relief. The weekends have been a lifesaver. The amount spent is less than desirable, but if it guarantees my sanity then I make due. Work hard to play hard eh.
There are periods where I do reminisce about what was or obsess about the future, but now the present is the only thing of true importance. Regret tends to be such a wasteful emotion, why bother with feeling awkward or despondent about an event or moment that occurred in the past. Easier said then done, but the cycles of self-deprecation and contempt has substantially decreased.
In all honesty, there never seems to be a moment of peace in this mind. When the promise of transcendence appears, some squalor of discourse materializes to dash the too short amount of tranquility. I have come to my wits end when it comes to insubordination; what once was possible to overlook has turned to be the agenda for reform and cannot be condoned anymore. The city schools have become this beast that is uncontrollable; when it comes to children, the leeway granted use to be vast, but has begun to dwindle with my patience. The blatant disrespect for the “faux” teacher culminated in a few uncharacteristic outbursts. For instance; one student, in particular, will always start fights with others during break period, for some reason he thought he could get away with laying a hand on me so the retaliation was a swift smack across his face. The next week another student thought it would be hilarious to perform a sliding tackle, which ended with a few strikes by his own slipper. A girl thought that the best way to gain my attention while I was helping another student with their composition was to scream in my ear from a foot away. A quick lash from a folder binding across her arm and being sent on out of the classroom was the kindest penalty that would get through to her. The for the most part, it is the same students that seem to push these boundaries. Their faces tend to be ever present in the category of most disrespectful and foul mannered degenerates that I have ever been so displeased to meet. There are nights where the question of whether it was necessary to use corporal punishment on them was appropriate, but the use of kindness and positive reinforcement has only lead to worst behavior.
I am not proud of whom I have become, but I am not ashamed of it either. Korea, in general, emphasizes respect towards one’s teacher, but there tends to be a lack of that towards the foreign educator. The line between instructor and friend often confuses the students; I might be closer to their age then other their teachers, share the same interest as them and joke around with them more, but they cannot forget all their manners.
While the stress of the job has crept up, turning to my social life has been a relief. The weekends have been a lifesaver. The amount spent is less than desirable, but if it guarantees my sanity then I make due. Work hard to play hard eh.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
So much hatred in the world.
Life can be depressing at time. To look around and see so much animosity and lack of civility is disheartening. Don't get me wrong, a stoic lifestyle should not be considered living. I would not want to live in a state of false Utopia either, but this poisoned mind frame that one needs to hold grudges and behave with such negativity is ridiculous. There have been some hardships in my life, but I refuse to let these experiences warp me. There comes a time when everyone has to choose how they want to live their life. There is not one correct way to do so, yet there are more constructive ways to go about it.
On one of the social networking sites that I frequently visit, I see these long debates that ultimately turn into an “I know more about this subject and you are ignorant for not seeing it my way” argument. I cannot help but wonder if that was truly necessary. The topic of universal health care is a hot button issue, but to degrade someone by coming to the conclusion that since they do not believe in the same ideology as you that they are ignorant is uncalled for. I am proud of the person for standing their ground and voicing an opinion without fear of judgment. It would be assumed that on a site used to connect with friends, these clashes would not exist, but that is far from the case now a day. I am guilty of having "friends" on my page that I have not spoken to in years and have not said a word to them after they friend requested me. Yet for some this numbers game seems to ease their mind.
That was a tangent that I felt necessary to express, but I will digress back to the real matter at hand. I am appalled by the level of hatred and malice that people have towards one another. Call it naiveté or denial that I have gone this far with trying to see the best in everyone. I know that those who have wronged me in the past are not worth holding grudges over. When I went home, I found out that a person that I lent money to had passed away. It taught me that money is/was not everything. There was a sense of relief in knowing that I let this go long before I found out about this situation. Does holding resentment up until you hear about someone's tragedy make you any better of a person? I have contemplated from time to time about how others perceive me. I know that I tend to be self absorbed, but I do genuinely care about others and will put them before myself. The idea that I am a confrontational and abrasive individual is something that has dumbfounded me. Yes, I do speak my mind, but I am not the type that goes out looking to pick a fight nor do I care for the spectacle that unfolds afterwards.
The catalyst behind this entry comes from a recent event in Korea. A pop star, from a popular male group, was found to have made some disparaging remarks about Korea and the Korean people when he was struggling as a trainee. These comments where dug up from his myspace account from four years ago and used to destroy his career. There are people out there that do not like the fame that others achieve so they go out of their way to ruin the person’s life. The guy had changed and grew up, but that did not matter because he was a foreigner. This event has shown me how dispensable an outsider is to some Koreans. I will not generalize all Koreans, but it seems when a foreigner has lost their usefulness it is time to get rid of them. The fans and netizens here are vicious, one moment they adore you and the next they will turn their backs on you. The suicide rate in Korea is substantially large. When news broke about Park Jaebum’s comments, there was a petition going around that he should commit suicide. To say it was extreme would be an understatement. I am not writing because I am an avid K-Pop fan, this is more of an account of where a stranger in this land of uniform lies.
Some sees us as a leech that comes into their land, take their money and go back to our own countries to live a better life. In all fairness, if there was not such an overwhelming need for us then it would not be such an issue. Basic business practice explains supply and demand. If adequately trained, Korean educators would be able to do what they pay some fresh out of college kid to do. I cannot speak for all foreigners, but the effort I put into doing this job justifies the amount of money I am being paid. I do not take this job lightly since it dictates someone else’s future. It might not be the most fun at times, but it is gratifying.
Apparent, the way my co teachers look at me when they know that I am getting another bonus or incentive to stay. Aggravated, with my request to be paid what was suppose to be mine in the first place. Frustration, in knowing that in the last year I have accumulated more money in my bank account then most who have spent their whole lives working. Due to these facts, I tend to live a mild lifestyle. The world of partying, drinking, and broadcasting my wealth in front of others holds no ground with me. If others find contempt in me then it was not of my own doing. The self respect one gets from living in a country that will pick you apart for any little thing can only make you stronger. It is about time that I start to fulfill the mantra of tolerance.
On one of the social networking sites that I frequently visit, I see these long debates that ultimately turn into an “I know more about this subject and you are ignorant for not seeing it my way” argument. I cannot help but wonder if that was truly necessary. The topic of universal health care is a hot button issue, but to degrade someone by coming to the conclusion that since they do not believe in the same ideology as you that they are ignorant is uncalled for. I am proud of the person for standing their ground and voicing an opinion without fear of judgment. It would be assumed that on a site used to connect with friends, these clashes would not exist, but that is far from the case now a day. I am guilty of having "friends" on my page that I have not spoken to in years and have not said a word to them after they friend requested me. Yet for some this numbers game seems to ease their mind.
That was a tangent that I felt necessary to express, but I will digress back to the real matter at hand. I am appalled by the level of hatred and malice that people have towards one another. Call it naiveté or denial that I have gone this far with trying to see the best in everyone. I know that those who have wronged me in the past are not worth holding grudges over. When I went home, I found out that a person that I lent money to had passed away. It taught me that money is/was not everything. There was a sense of relief in knowing that I let this go long before I found out about this situation. Does holding resentment up until you hear about someone's tragedy make you any better of a person? I have contemplated from time to time about how others perceive me. I know that I tend to be self absorbed, but I do genuinely care about others and will put them before myself. The idea that I am a confrontational and abrasive individual is something that has dumbfounded me. Yes, I do speak my mind, but I am not the type that goes out looking to pick a fight nor do I care for the spectacle that unfolds afterwards.
The catalyst behind this entry comes from a recent event in Korea. A pop star, from a popular male group, was found to have made some disparaging remarks about Korea and the Korean people when he was struggling as a trainee. These comments where dug up from his myspace account from four years ago and used to destroy his career. There are people out there that do not like the fame that others achieve so they go out of their way to ruin the person’s life. The guy had changed and grew up, but that did not matter because he was a foreigner. This event has shown me how dispensable an outsider is to some Koreans. I will not generalize all Koreans, but it seems when a foreigner has lost their usefulness it is time to get rid of them. The fans and netizens here are vicious, one moment they adore you and the next they will turn their backs on you. The suicide rate in Korea is substantially large. When news broke about Park Jaebum’s comments, there was a petition going around that he should commit suicide. To say it was extreme would be an understatement. I am not writing because I am an avid K-Pop fan, this is more of an account of where a stranger in this land of uniform lies.
Some sees us as a leech that comes into their land, take their money and go back to our own countries to live a better life. In all fairness, if there was not such an overwhelming need for us then it would not be such an issue. Basic business practice explains supply and demand. If adequately trained, Korean educators would be able to do what they pay some fresh out of college kid to do. I cannot speak for all foreigners, but the effort I put into doing this job justifies the amount of money I am being paid. I do not take this job lightly since it dictates someone else’s future. It might not be the most fun at times, but it is gratifying.
Apparent, the way my co teachers look at me when they know that I am getting another bonus or incentive to stay. Aggravated, with my request to be paid what was suppose to be mine in the first place. Frustration, in knowing that in the last year I have accumulated more money in my bank account then most who have spent their whole lives working. Due to these facts, I tend to live a mild lifestyle. The world of partying, drinking, and broadcasting my wealth in front of others holds no ground with me. If others find contempt in me then it was not of my own doing. The self respect one gets from living in a country that will pick you apart for any little thing can only make you stronger. It is about time that I start to fulfill the mantra of tolerance.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Long time no writing
It has been awhile since I have updated, the main reason being that I was in Las Vegas for the last month. The time spent there was a good reminder for me not to lose sight of who I am. I realized that I gave up some aspects of myself when I moved to Korea and my perception of who I needed to be had gone askew.
I worried so much about weight gain and complained quite a bit. Even though I did not feel so out of place in America as I do in Korea, I still have some problems when it comes to self image.
Anyways, it was nice to spend time with everyone. I overestimated the time that I had back at home because five weeks is nowhere near enough time. When I was at home, I felt homesick for Korea and now that I am back, I miss Las Vegas. To live on my own while close enough to those I love would probably be the best situation for me. I know that I could set up a life in Las Vegas with no problems, but the world is such an enticing place.
The apartment, finally, feels like home with some more family photos and a few embellishments here and there. When I get my camera back I will put up some pictures. I am sure everyone will see it when we video chat anyways.
I will write more when I have something worth writing about. This week of quarantine has been a blessing; I needed time to unwind before going back to school.
Ok, I lied. In the last month there has been so many minor changes that have been exciting and depressing. Stores here open and close in a matter of no time at all, I have seen big name stores close their doors and more disturbingly I fear that the seamstress that I go to might be closing down her shop. I walked by the store front on my way back from the grocery store and I see that her store looks a bit barren. As always, I had some fruit in my backpack and gave her some, it has become a ritual now. When I go to the store I buy a little extra because she has always been so kind to me; sewing on a button for free, discounting even the most painstaking alterations and getting stuff back to me in a timely fashion. She has held a special place to all of my friends. I am hoping that my suspicions are wrong. On the other hand, the grocery stores have been stocking more western style items. I saw a balsamic vinegarette dressing. I guess that is the only good thing to have happened in the midst of my fears.
I worried so much about weight gain and complained quite a bit. Even though I did not feel so out of place in America as I do in Korea, I still have some problems when it comes to self image.
Anyways, it was nice to spend time with everyone. I overestimated the time that I had back at home because five weeks is nowhere near enough time. When I was at home, I felt homesick for Korea and now that I am back, I miss Las Vegas. To live on my own while close enough to those I love would probably be the best situation for me. I know that I could set up a life in Las Vegas with no problems, but the world is such an enticing place.
The apartment, finally, feels like home with some more family photos and a few embellishments here and there. When I get my camera back I will put up some pictures. I am sure everyone will see it when we video chat anyways.
I will write more when I have something worth writing about. This week of quarantine has been a blessing; I needed time to unwind before going back to school.
Ok, I lied. In the last month there has been so many minor changes that have been exciting and depressing. Stores here open and close in a matter of no time at all, I have seen big name stores close their doors and more disturbingly I fear that the seamstress that I go to might be closing down her shop. I walked by the store front on my way back from the grocery store and I see that her store looks a bit barren. As always, I had some fruit in my backpack and gave her some, it has become a ritual now. When I go to the store I buy a little extra because she has always been so kind to me; sewing on a button for free, discounting even the most painstaking alterations and getting stuff back to me in a timely fashion. She has held a special place to all of my friends. I am hoping that my suspicions are wrong. On the other hand, the grocery stores have been stocking more western style items. I saw a balsamic vinegarette dressing. I guess that is the only good thing to have happened in the midst of my fears.
Monday, July 20, 2009
When the foreign becomes familiar.
I have an hour to kill before it is time for preboarding. There is a pit in the middle of my stomach and I am trying to distinguish the reason for it. This feeling of anxiousness began at 5am this morning when I woke up and could not go back to bed. It settled down for a bit and I went along the routine to make sure that I did not get to the airport without the proper identification or information. Jecheon, the city that I reside in, has a new direct service bus to Incheon International airport. It is a long journey that takes almost four hours, but being able to avoid the inconvenience of switching buses is worth it. So the four hours plus the wait of almost four hours at the airport itself has made for a long day. The plane ride is another 11.5 hours and then I will be home.
Now back to the main point, the feelings of anxiety has taken over as I am about to leave, albeit for a short time, from the place that I have been calling home for the last 9 months. Truthfully, there has been a few times where I have left Jecheon to go to Seoul and felt a more mild reaction. Maybe it is the fear that everyone has grown in a direction different than my own and I will feel like an alien in a place that I have called home for 17 years.
I know that Korea is not a perfect place and there are many difficulties that have been faced with more to come in the future. I have been living alone and the thought of going back home and reverting back to the person I was scares me.
Could I have fallen in love with a country that has this love/hate relationship with the foreign community? The possibilities are high and there is no doubt that I have grown fond of the lifestyle. Although my workload is continuously increasing, it is gratifying.
Reverse cultureshock is setting in and I am not even ready to move home yet.
I will focus on the positive aspects such as seeing my family and friends, getting to sleep in my old bed, and indulging in all of the minute things that use to bring me joy.
October of 2010 will be difficult if these emotions are surfacing already.
Now back to the main point, the feelings of anxiety has taken over as I am about to leave, albeit for a short time, from the place that I have been calling home for the last 9 months. Truthfully, there has been a few times where I have left Jecheon to go to Seoul and felt a more mild reaction. Maybe it is the fear that everyone has grown in a direction different than my own and I will feel like an alien in a place that I have called home for 17 years.
I know that Korea is not a perfect place and there are many difficulties that have been faced with more to come in the future. I have been living alone and the thought of going back home and reverting back to the person I was scares me.
Could I have fallen in love with a country that has this love/hate relationship with the foreign community? The possibilities are high and there is no doubt that I have grown fond of the lifestyle. Although my workload is continuously increasing, it is gratifying.
Reverse cultureshock is setting in and I am not even ready to move home yet.
I will focus on the positive aspects such as seeing my family and friends, getting to sleep in my old bed, and indulging in all of the minute things that use to bring me joy.
October of 2010 will be difficult if these emotions are surfacing already.
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