Yeah, that title is a new low, even for me. Oh well!
This week has been awesome, I only taught one day. The reason why I only taught one day was because my kids had exams on Monday, Tuesday was the open class, and I taught Wednesday, left for the mandatory foreigners retreat on Thursday and stayed over until today. I had my last open class and received many positive comments. I have been gorging on some ridiculously delicious food.
It is amazing how much I got to learn about the Korean culture in the one day I spent in Chungju. The highlights of the trip has to be meeting some really cool foreigners that live in the same province, learning Taek Gyeon (Korean dancing martial arts), going to see a traditional Korean orchestra perform with some modern K-Pop/B-Boy flavor, and learning how to play the gayageum (a traditional 12 string instrument).
On this trip, I learned to throw my inhibitions away and just have fun in whatever activities we were doing. It was nice to not care about looking like a fool and just actively participate. To be honest, I thought I would not enjoy the martial arts or learning how to play the gayageum, but it was a great experience that I will never forget. I learned four ways of how to throw another foreigner down. I have a blister on the tip of my pointer finger from playing the instrument for an hour. By the end of the lesson, I was disappointed that we had to stop because it felt like I had only been playing for 20 minutes.
For being socially awkward, I made two friends that I could see myself keeping in contact with. One girl is so laid back and I had a blast. She invited me to come visit her any time in Cheongju and I will take her up on it. Her outlook on life was probably the most appealing thing to me. She lived two minutes from the beach in Cape Town, South Africa, but she uprooted herself to experience something new. She understands that this lifestyle will always be available to her in the future, if she wants it, but to live with the possible regret of not trying something new can never be erased. The other person lives in my city and he is beyond eccentric. I did not know if I would like his personality at first, but once we got into this banter, it was a neat connection. Normally, he is not the type of person I would be friends with, but I have learned that different is not always bad. In this instance, it made for one whacked out retreat.
I wished I took pictures of this trip, but sometimes it feels like you are missing out on life by trying to capture it all the time. Safe to say that I will continue to let others worry about recording memories while I live them.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Again & Again & Again & Again
Sorry, cannot help but insert a K-Pop song into the title. Although, I do not have it in me to become a serial blogger, a tranquil day can illicit quite a bit of thinking. Hwadang’s holding a camp out, so I was given a free day. The irony is that with this free day, I think about my occupational endeavors. The working hours have lessened dramatically, but I still feel like I am working full time. If I am not teaching; I am lesson planning, helping kids with their academy homework, teaching after school classes, doing teachers' conversation classes or taking on a few private tutoring sessions. These things are not overly complicated because I am teaching a subject that I enjoy. It brings me great joy to see these kids excel, because it is not about me, it is about them. My mentality about education focuses upon positive reinforcement and encouragement. Many foreigners have told me that the kids do relish the time that they have with us more because we are less strict than their regular teachers. So why not engage the kids and make them feel like class can be enjoyable.
The initial plan was to come to Korea to escape from a life filled with overworking and have some fun. The strained aspect of my life has not changed much, but I can say that my job is satisfying. This could be one of the best experiences I have had in understanding what I need in my life. The days of excessive drinking, laziness and apathy towards improving my health are over and I just need to find balance.
An issue with living such a disciplined lifestyle, in regards to my professional life, manifests itself in days where I need relaxation and me time. I need a vacation; time where I can just sit back and not worry about what needs to be accomplished or any of the other hustle that being a grown up, or even vacation, can bring. Is there such a thing as a vacation from a vacation? I cannot wait to go home, even though my time is already jammed pack, there will be times where I can go workout or to California. I think a few days in the Golden State will do me good.
I find it strange how some people just compliment each other. In most aspects of my life; I am very domineering, but when it comes to travel or sightseeing, I am more passive. Kristina or Katrina is always good with that stuff; they plan events but never to the point where it feels overwhelming. Holding no expectations and going with the flow has guaranteed positive outcomes, so that is the plan for next month. Winter vacation will be filled with Southeast Asia and some Japan time if Kristina comes to visit. It will be nice to see everyone again. (& again & again & again) Sorry it was too easy.
The initial plan was to come to Korea to escape from a life filled with overworking and have some fun. The strained aspect of my life has not changed much, but I can say that my job is satisfying. This could be one of the best experiences I have had in understanding what I need in my life. The days of excessive drinking, laziness and apathy towards improving my health are over and I just need to find balance.
An issue with living such a disciplined lifestyle, in regards to my professional life, manifests itself in days where I need relaxation and me time. I need a vacation; time where I can just sit back and not worry about what needs to be accomplished or any of the other hustle that being a grown up, or even vacation, can bring. Is there such a thing as a vacation from a vacation? I cannot wait to go home, even though my time is already jammed pack, there will be times where I can go workout or to California. I think a few days in the Golden State will do me good.
I find it strange how some people just compliment each other. In most aspects of my life; I am very domineering, but when it comes to travel or sightseeing, I am more passive. Kristina or Katrina is always good with that stuff; they plan events but never to the point where it feels overwhelming. Holding no expectations and going with the flow has guaranteed positive outcomes, so that is the plan for next month. Winter vacation will be filled with Southeast Asia and some Japan time if Kristina comes to visit. It will be nice to see everyone again. (& again & again & again) Sorry it was too easy.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Revisiting, Reverting, and Refining
Sometimes the thought about revisiting one's past can send chills down their spine, but looking back does not always have to be painful. Certain points will always elicit cringes; some might bring back warm feelings of comfort, while others could be looked back upon in a few years and make you think, "Damn you got it right the first time".
Striving to live a more sound and harmonious life does not come without a few pitfalls. There will always be people who are determined to antagonize, sabotage or create obstacles to make the journey more difficult. For those who have known me for years; they can attest to the fact that my temper can be anywhere from mild to catastrophic. This has quelled since coming to Korea. Most likely the fear of starting anew had snubbed out the fire, but it was never fully extinguished.
The world comprises of so much negativity and to witness this, often takes a toll on a person. The ease in which one could fall into this crowd tends to be high. Jaded individuals are everywhere and they try to spread their disillusionment to the others. More often than not, the bitter will gravitate towards those who wish to see a more optimistic outlook. Difficulties lie in discerning whether they want to improve their own point of view or if they want to drag the other person down. A part of me believes that the answer is both. They see hope and that creates a sense of comfort, but then it is easy to look at the optimist as a fool for wanting to believe there is intrinsic goodness.
The trouble of removing oneself from a place of comfort to relocate to new surroundings lies in the necessity to form bonds. This often leads to people changing many aspects of them to manufacture these relationships. For instance, my temper has subsided for quite a while. It has been 8 months since I have voiced my true feelings on anything. A part of why this occurred was due to this very problem. Another was that I was in a foreign land with customs that are not as common to my own. So I decided not judge those around me because other people's differences can help in one's growth, but this is not always the true.
Due to recent events, this subdued nature has been pushed to the limits. For instance; I have been insulted and harassed by this one girl. At first, I thought that she was just being overly playful and the language barrier between us helped in creating this misunderstanding, but it became a real issue of constant text messages at odd hours and continuous disrespect. At first, I went along with it, but as time went on, I finally snapped and told her off. I have not heard from her since. There are so many abrasive people in the world and that bothers me. To remain positive is not easily accomplished, but the refusal to give into their negative ways endures.
To stress about every minute detail would change the person that I am. This amalgamation of the laid back attitude and the straight talking personas might be the most beneficial to my state of being.
Striving to live a more sound and harmonious life does not come without a few pitfalls. There will always be people who are determined to antagonize, sabotage or create obstacles to make the journey more difficult. For those who have known me for years; they can attest to the fact that my temper can be anywhere from mild to catastrophic. This has quelled since coming to Korea. Most likely the fear of starting anew had snubbed out the fire, but it was never fully extinguished.
The world comprises of so much negativity and to witness this, often takes a toll on a person. The ease in which one could fall into this crowd tends to be high. Jaded individuals are everywhere and they try to spread their disillusionment to the others. More often than not, the bitter will gravitate towards those who wish to see a more optimistic outlook. Difficulties lie in discerning whether they want to improve their own point of view or if they want to drag the other person down. A part of me believes that the answer is both. They see hope and that creates a sense of comfort, but then it is easy to look at the optimist as a fool for wanting to believe there is intrinsic goodness.
The trouble of removing oneself from a place of comfort to relocate to new surroundings lies in the necessity to form bonds. This often leads to people changing many aspects of them to manufacture these relationships. For instance, my temper has subsided for quite a while. It has been 8 months since I have voiced my true feelings on anything. A part of why this occurred was due to this very problem. Another was that I was in a foreign land with customs that are not as common to my own. So I decided not judge those around me because other people's differences can help in one's growth, but this is not always the true.
Due to recent events, this subdued nature has been pushed to the limits. For instance; I have been insulted and harassed by this one girl. At first, I thought that she was just being overly playful and the language barrier between us helped in creating this misunderstanding, but it became a real issue of constant text messages at odd hours and continuous disrespect. At first, I went along with it, but as time went on, I finally snapped and told her off. I have not heard from her since. There are so many abrasive people in the world and that bothers me. To remain positive is not easily accomplished, but the refusal to give into their negative ways endures.
To stress about every minute detail would change the person that I am. This amalgamation of the laid back attitude and the straight talking personas might be the most beneficial to my state of being.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Note to Self
Remember that people might be innately flawed but also trust that they have some goodness in them as well.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Finding My Comforts and Me.
I started this as a way to map out the trips, adventures and memories that I would embark upon but it has slowly began to wither away. The life of a teacher is nothing exciting during the school year, but hopefully that will change during break. Many people know that I have the intention of staying in Korea for another year to see my sixth grade kids graduate, make more money and to see the parts of Asia that I failed to during winter vacation.
I have a tendency of only saying the negative aspects about Korea when talking to friends back at home. I don't often share the good parts because those are the bits that I hang on to. The acidic remarks or condescending behavior is something I need to vent about and then let go which was what I was doing. These remarks have worried a majority of people and their only view of Korea is not that pleasant. I apologize for that. Besides the crazy people that I often come across, life in this country is suitable and rather comfortable. It will come off as me focusing on the negative, but I do have many things that I am grateful for. Even though I have become more reclusive, the small group of friends that surround me are good at keeping me grounded. I make an excellent wage that could put a substantial amount of money into my bank account and that is always a plus. The kids are the biggest reason to stay though. I know people might not understand, but I want to make a difference for them. By giving them a little bit of consistency, even if it is only for one more year, can be a monumental turning point. It might be unhealthy to be so attached to my children, but the little comments or things that they do make me feel like it is worth it.
I have started to decorate my apartment. It began very slowly, but the momentum has picked up. I finally bought real curtains for my balcony windows, with bamboo blinds for my laundry area following soon after. The shower curtain is a room divider for my entryway/bathroom area and the main room. I want to find a beige/tan or chocolate colored area rug to put on the the floor to give the room a little warmth. Also in the search for square wall accents in the same colors to give more character to these bare walls. When I come home, I want to print out some pictures of Las Vegas during the day and night as well as all the things that makes that city special to make a collage. In Korea, they have this really cute idea of hanging up yarn and clipping photos onto it with these tiny decorative clips that resemble the ones you use for clothes. I want to put some pics over my bed. If it is the last thing I do, this apartment will feel like a home for the next year.
I have a tendency of only saying the negative aspects about Korea when talking to friends back at home. I don't often share the good parts because those are the bits that I hang on to. The acidic remarks or condescending behavior is something I need to vent about and then let go which was what I was doing. These remarks have worried a majority of people and their only view of Korea is not that pleasant. I apologize for that. Besides the crazy people that I often come across, life in this country is suitable and rather comfortable. It will come off as me focusing on the negative, but I do have many things that I am grateful for. Even though I have become more reclusive, the small group of friends that surround me are good at keeping me grounded. I make an excellent wage that could put a substantial amount of money into my bank account and that is always a plus. The kids are the biggest reason to stay though. I know people might not understand, but I want to make a difference for them. By giving them a little bit of consistency, even if it is only for one more year, can be a monumental turning point. It might be unhealthy to be so attached to my children, but the little comments or things that they do make me feel like it is worth it.
I have started to decorate my apartment. It began very slowly, but the momentum has picked up. I finally bought real curtains for my balcony windows, with bamboo blinds for my laundry area following soon after. The shower curtain is a room divider for my entryway/bathroom area and the main room. I want to find a beige/tan or chocolate colored area rug to put on the the floor to give the room a little warmth. Also in the search for square wall accents in the same colors to give more character to these bare walls. When I come home, I want to print out some pictures of Las Vegas during the day and night as well as all the things that makes that city special to make a collage. In Korea, they have this really cute idea of hanging up yarn and clipping photos onto it with these tiny decorative clips that resemble the ones you use for clothes. I want to put some pics over my bed. If it is the last thing I do, this apartment will feel like a home for the next year.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Shaken Foundation
Faith in myself is not a quality that I possess. The desire to have internal balance is always thrown askew when a difficult situation presents itself. Racism or racial preference has always been a part of Korean culture, but I have not felt the effects as much as when I first applied for this job and now with some of my co-teachers. This peninsula struggles to find the balance between finding qualified educators to help further the growth of it's people, but continue to show preferential treatment to those of European descent. The yearning to become a major power or just an equal within the world setting has pushed Korea to hire almost anyone who applies, but has a higher priority of focusing on the above mentioned group. Since coming to this country, the lack of professionalism from some of the foreigners as well as the Koreans have made me question why people even want to be a teacher. The lack of concern for the welfare and development of the children is appalling.
Straddling the line between professionalism and caring too much for those that are entrusted to me has been a problem. Seclusion has been a fundamental way of keeping keeping my sanity. The change in social mentality has been one of the few aspects of myself that has changed since entering Korea. Most of my time has been engulfed by work. The freedom that was so fundamental in the decision making process has become a fleeting image. The constant need for lesson planning, reviewing of materials and preparation for the side jobs have become tedious and monotonous. Due to this, I tend to remove myself from most situations because, I do not have the energy to deal with everything. It feels as if I continue to give more of myself without taking the time to recharge or get anything back in return.
Let us retract to the focal point of this entry. For the first time in a week, I was able to have a decent conversation with my co-teacher. The days leading up to and a few days after his meeting with Robert, the teacher that I replaced, his attitude towards me had changed. He was aloof and unresponsive to almost anything I did or said and it began to eat away at me. No one can say that my expectations of others is higher than what I expect from myself. There is no one that I criticize more than myself. This need to do well has propelled me to recognition with my professors, my bosses, my co-workers and my parents. The need to please others is a sickness that is part of my character. The inability to do so creates an instability that invariably renders me to feeling useless.
Yet again, my tangents have guided me off topic. I finally asked my co-teacher about Roberts teaching style and what he thought about it when we were discussing teaching methods. Apparently, when Robert felt dejected and fed up with the students he would administer tests, exams, worksheets and other forms of busy work. So this was what some of my other teachers were using as a guide for me to follow? I can understand why some of the co-teachers were glad that he moved on. He has a warm personality that is easy for others to get along with was one of the points in his favor. So an outgoing personality and being white can get you far in Korea.
Well, I am staying another year if offered a new contract.
Straddling the line between professionalism and caring too much for those that are entrusted to me has been a problem. Seclusion has been a fundamental way of keeping keeping my sanity. The change in social mentality has been one of the few aspects of myself that has changed since entering Korea. Most of my time has been engulfed by work. The freedom that was so fundamental in the decision making process has become a fleeting image. The constant need for lesson planning, reviewing of materials and preparation for the side jobs have become tedious and monotonous. Due to this, I tend to remove myself from most situations because, I do not have the energy to deal with everything. It feels as if I continue to give more of myself without taking the time to recharge or get anything back in return.
Let us retract to the focal point of this entry. For the first time in a week, I was able to have a decent conversation with my co-teacher. The days leading up to and a few days after his meeting with Robert, the teacher that I replaced, his attitude towards me had changed. He was aloof and unresponsive to almost anything I did or said and it began to eat away at me. No one can say that my expectations of others is higher than what I expect from myself. There is no one that I criticize more than myself. This need to do well has propelled me to recognition with my professors, my bosses, my co-workers and my parents. The need to please others is a sickness that is part of my character. The inability to do so creates an instability that invariably renders me to feeling useless.
Yet again, my tangents have guided me off topic. I finally asked my co-teacher about Roberts teaching style and what he thought about it when we were discussing teaching methods. Apparently, when Robert felt dejected and fed up with the students he would administer tests, exams, worksheets and other forms of busy work. So this was what some of my other teachers were using as a guide for me to follow? I can understand why some of the co-teachers were glad that he moved on. He has a warm personality that is easy for others to get along with was one of the points in his favor. So an outgoing personality and being white can get you far in Korea.
Well, I am staying another year if offered a new contract.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Change can Happen
I have become extremely fascinated by personal character assessment psychology lately. After Amy did her's, I could not help wanting to know more about my character. I ended up being classified as an ISFJ. http://www.e-mbti.com/isfj.php
If anyone has some spare time, go and take the quiz. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
I have always questioned why I hold on to relationships with people that are no good for me and this kind of gives insight into why. I am not exactly sure if I have the strongest feelings in favor of the more positive traits that it gave me, but the flaws I can see. Especially the bottling up until I explode or hold a negative opinion of someone that is difficult to undo. I won't lie and say that I have completely let go of all the hostile feelings I have had about people in my past, but it does not affect how I live my everyday life. For example, I don't think about Caleb or what happened in the past with use, but when someone brings him up, I can't help but cringe. If it came down to forgiving, letting go and maybe start over, I would, but we have nothing in common. I try to live my life without hatred and for the most part it is working out. I just can't change my personality completely and refrain from saying a smart-ass comment every now and then.
This was all a prelude into saying that I am grateful for not giving up on people too quickly, because sometimes people can make you proud for not losing faith in them. With one of the other foreigners, he has been driving friends away with his excessive complaining about Korea, but stays here. The worst part is that he says it to Koreans. He is the type that consistently asks for favors without offering anything in return. Yesterday, I hung out with him and we had a good conversation with minimum complaining. He paid for my dinner and movie ticket that night as well, something that he has never done before either. It was a birthday gift and I think the best gift was that it shows that people can grow out of their selfishness.
If anyone has some spare time, go and take the quiz. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
I have always questioned why I hold on to relationships with people that are no good for me and this kind of gives insight into why. I am not exactly sure if I have the strongest feelings in favor of the more positive traits that it gave me, but the flaws I can see. Especially the bottling up until I explode or hold a negative opinion of someone that is difficult to undo. I won't lie and say that I have completely let go of all the hostile feelings I have had about people in my past, but it does not affect how I live my everyday life. For example, I don't think about Caleb or what happened in the past with use, but when someone brings him up, I can't help but cringe. If it came down to forgiving, letting go and maybe start over, I would, but we have nothing in common. I try to live my life without hatred and for the most part it is working out. I just can't change my personality completely and refrain from saying a smart-ass comment every now and then.
This was all a prelude into saying that I am grateful for not giving up on people too quickly, because sometimes people can make you proud for not losing faith in them. With one of the other foreigners, he has been driving friends away with his excessive complaining about Korea, but stays here. The worst part is that he says it to Koreans. He is the type that consistently asks for favors without offering anything in return. Yesterday, I hung out with him and we had a good conversation with minimum complaining. He paid for my dinner and movie ticket that night as well, something that he has never done before either. It was a birthday gift and I think the best gift was that it shows that people can grow out of their selfishness.
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