Not Always Easy To Change.

For the last month, I have been saying basically nothing but the positive aspects of living in Korea. Well, this last week, there was a bit of regression in my overall progression. I gave in and bought two ridiculously expensive jars of peanut butter and grape jelly. Even though I love Korean food and want to try all the wonderful new foods, I cannot help but want to cling on to some comfort foods. Before going to dinner with one of my co-teachers/friends I wandered around Lotte Super and made a mental list of the foreign items they carried. After hanging out that night, I went back and picked up the fore mentioned items as well as some bread, pancake mix and syrup. I eat rather healthy here and have lost the cravings for junk food. I never ate that much to begin with but when I wanted something I definitely had to have it.

The alcohol and baked goods consumption has drastically declined and I am happy about that. I have set a goal of losing 40-50 pounds while I am here. I have lost some weight already but I am unsure as to how much. This is probably another aspect of my assimilation into Korean culture. I want to be able to fit into their clothes and dress in awesome bright colors without looking like a balloon.

I will start to run soon, but it seems as if the weather is spiteful.

UPDATE: I got tired of being lazy, so I went out to the girl's high school to run but the students were using it. I did not want to look like a creep so I walked to the elementary school maybe a quarter mile down the road to find that kids were using it as well. This time I feared being seen as a pedophile and went home. I changed and walked around the city for an hour and a half. That will have to do since it must have been more than four miles.

The Holidays

It seems as if time has moved at an alarming rate. It still feels as if I had just got here but it is December. I already missed one friend's birthday and a graduation. It should not surprise me since I knew that I would be missing plenty of them while over seas. I thought this distance would have a more drastic affect on me especially during the holiday season but I am coping with it well enough. For once, I can say working in Las Vegas has prepared me for the world. Having to work on all major holidays, some birthdays and other special events has harden my sense of sentimentality. I miss seeing family and little traditions like the Christmas night movie or make fun of Jason day but I will be able to experience that again. The best way to look at this experience is to think of it as a once in a lifetime kind of deal.

Last Friday was a welcoming party with the teachers at Hwadang Elementary School. Most of the teachers and the office manager are over 30 with a family so I did not expect too have too much fun but it was a great time. It was a ridiculous experience, I have never ate so much before. We started the night out with Samgyeopsal (grilled bacon which you wrap with lettuce or sesame leaves add a green onion salad, garlic, soy bean paste and a little salt sauce), then we ate Makchang (grilled pork intestine which is eaten in a similar style as Samgyeopsal but without the green onion salad), and finished with Eomuk (skewered fish cakes that are boiled in a soup). At the first two places we drank Soju (still to this day, I cringe at the thought of Soju, but I drank to be polite) and at the last place we drank beer. I controlled myself so that I would not be a hot mess again. Two of the men at the table expressed how much they liked me more than the previous teacher and that everyone at the school really liked me from the teachers to the students. At first, I felt bad for reveling in the fact that they liked me more but then I realized I just liked the fact that they accept me. I got an offer to come and live with the office manager and his family. I am not sure about that one since I like my independence. It is nice that he would put me up for no charge and free meals but I don't feel right with it. Most of the Koreans' kindness comes from the fact that I take so much interest in learning about their culture. I love the music, the variety shows and anything entertainment. I want to learn the language, customs and culture of the country so that impresses them.

I am not so fond about how blunt the people can be at times. I went shopping in Seoul and the vendor told me that I should not wear light color jeans because they are worn in the summer plus I am a little fat so dark jeans will slim me down more. The week before the office manager also told me that I will be sick more often unless I become more active. So it is not just between random strangers, even people who like you will give you "advice". All the other aspects of the culture I enjoy. I refined my drinking etiquettes, learned more about Korean clothing and the style in which to wear it. I will start to write about the customs of the country I find interesting.

Your placement at the table. The best place to sit in any restaurant is furthest away from the entrance of the room, facing the door and if possible with a wall behind them to lean against. The oldest or most respected person would get this seat. Do not automatically seat yourself, wait until you are told where you may sit. Do not start eating or drinking until the eldest male or family leader begins.

Here are some of my kids from Paegune Elementary School. The kid in the blue bear shirt with the tan jacket is the first grader I absolutely adore. He is the one that was wearing the bear hat/scarf/and mitten combo. Every time he sees me during recess he runs up to give me a hug. I think I was warned about being too affectionate with the kids on Friday. I do not look too kindly on being seen as a pedophile.

The Dangers of being Welcomed.

Yesterday was my official welcoming party for one of my schools. They took me out to eat live fish. It is similar to the Japanese sashimi or raw fish. It was cool. Of course, it is traditional drinking food, so we did what we had to. We ate many kinds of fish that I had no idea what they were but I did recognize the squid and octopus. Eating octopus that was freshly cut is a whole new experience that I never thought I would have the chance of partaking in. The octopus tentacles were still squirming and when you put it in the sauce it tensed up. After placing the small pieces in your mouth the suction cups would stick onto the side of your mouth if you left it there for too long. Of course I played around and let them stick to my cheek and frantically tried to pull them off before my co-teachers noticed.

We had a blast. I learned so much about Korean drinking culture. Never refuse a drink or drink before the eldest person. You are never to hold the bottom of the bottle when pouring. You should hold the body with one hand and place your other hand either under the arm (the older the person you are pouring for dictates how close that hand is to your heart) or have both hands on the bottle. When you are handed an empty shot glass it is a sign that they like you or respect you. Take this glass with both hands and do not refuse the drink. It is not uncommon for people to drink many bottles of soju in parties like this.

Last night was my first drunken night in Korea. Bottles of soju were delivered to the table in pairs so it was easy to count them at first. After a while, the bottles seemed to be disappearing more quickly, everyone was becoming more animated and I was not as boring they thought I was. I lost count around maybe twelve bottles and one bottle of sweet wine. There was only 9 of us teachers there so we were making short work of all the alcohol. At one point in the night I walked in on an older lady on the toilet, went to use the other bathroom to have the toilet door fall on me and sat outside on a plastic chair for who knows how long. I missed 5 calls and finally the teachers came searching for me. He got me into a cab and took me home. I was told that I had probably consumed 1 1/2 to 2 bottles of soju. Oy, I am dreading going back to school and facing them all.

Partially the Same.

When I first got to Korea, I found myself extremely depressed because I felt as if I lost a part of my old life and therefore a piece of myself. I know that I am not an adventurous person by nature but I would like to think that I no longer dwell over the "what ifs" and "maybe this would happens".

I first notice this change when Justin and Maricel mentioned it. Maybe a year ago, I would not have been brave enough to get my tattoo but instead just talk about it. Then, I talked about moving out since finishing high school but never did anything about it. Afterwords, I spoke about how unhappy I was with working at Green Valley Ranch but stayed there because I made good money. This fear of the unknown crippled me and stunted my growth as an individual. It is odd to think about these small changes in my personality now a days but I sometimes wonder where I mustered up this yearning for change.

At home; I had my mom who coddled me, my sister who did everything I asked even if there was some hesitation in her response and friends who gave into my outlandish demands. Here, I fend for myself. I will not lie, I have had some help but it is only a fraction of what I received at home. I like to think of myself as evolving to be a better or more independent individual.

What was the catalyst that spawned this change in my personal character? I do not believe that I was a selfish person, I tried to give to others without expecting anything in return yet I felt as if I was and maybe still am self absorbed.

I have had a few conversations with other people and I am told that I have a certain magnetic personality. Even when I do not try, I become the center of attention and that can be stunting to the growth of others. When I came to Korea, I questioned if this was true, and if it was, then why was I having such a hard time adjusting and making friends. This was especially true because I felt as if no one was giving me a chance to be myself. I lived in the shadow cast by the last teacher. I have always made friends in all of my previous jobs so why was it so difficult here? I never factored in the fact that I did not initially enter any new situation and have everyone like me. It was always a gradual growth and that has eased my mind.

I just hope that I can come back and say that I have grown up. Maybe it is too early to think about this but I am unsure if I will go back home after this year. Until it is time to think more in-depth about it I will not rush to find a conclusion.

Writing this much about oneself is another example of whether I have changed at all. What a conundrum?

November 23, 2008

The boy in the second picture is my favorite, but I adore the kids from this school.

Today marks my first month in Korea. As the weeks pass and everyone has become more acquainted with me, I am asked to participate in more activities within the school. It first began with after school programs to help three girls who are struggling to keep up, then it manifested itself into teachers’ meetings to discuss what I want to take with me from this experience and now on Fridays I teach a conversation course for faculty and staff in one of the country schools.

I am stuck in this conundrum of perpetual doubt. After having dinner with one of the foreign teachers where she recalls all of the times when her Korean co-teachers ask her to dinner to practice her English. The foreigner teacher was offended because it comes off as being used. I am wondering if I am being taken advantage of and I do not like to assume the worst from people. I know the question of whether I will get paid for the teaching but I do not like to think of my life in the monetary sense. It has come down to ethics, not even my own but theirs.

The after school program raises no internal stirring within because it is for the progression of the students and not for a “reward” fulfills the promise to do something for positive for the sake of it. The co-teacher that I work with is a wonderful man, he is known as the “caring super teacher” because he always has his students’ best interest at heart.

The teachers’ meeting, I am uneasy with, the thought of sitting in a room and discussing what I want to gain from this experience I can only think of so much. How many ways can someone say that they want to visit a country that is similar in certain values but drastically different enough to where it is still a learning experience? There is plenty of activities that would be fun to partake in, a multitude of exotic foods to try, and historic events to learn about. It is understood that they know one another, at least on the most superficial level and I am an interloper, so they want to find out more but I can only speak so much. That issue in itself is a problem. The last foreign teacher they had had was considered friendly, spoke much and possessed a more opinionated point of view. The fact that I am compared to him is unfair. Not all Americans are the same, I am more reserved with those I do not know and it is more prevalent when elders are around. Maybe it is the unabashed attitude is what they liked about him but I could not behave in such a manner because I am Asian and should know the code of conduct. It is a catch twenty-two, their expectations acts as a restriction on what they want.

The class for the faculty and staff was the most recent of requests. It seems as if Koreans’ use this ask/told form of obtaining what they want. This was first evident with the winter school that I was asked/told that I would be participating in. That is not such a big deal since I would be getting 30,000 won per hour and it would be teaching kids that want to be there. Ultimately, I would be making almost one months pay for two weeks of work. The second incident occurred with the class I was talking about. I wondered to myself if the previous foreign teacher participated in all of these activities. I do not mind helping but the preparation is what perturbs me. Without the internet at my apartment, for the last month mind you, I am forced to scramble for materials on the spot and slap together a coherent and informative class. I was told my first class went well, but this culture does not openly criticize people. I was given advice on how to approach the class though. The problem is that the range in conversational skills is drastic. This should not be a problem because my students are the same but these are adults and more importantly my superiors.

November 8, 2008

Was the world we taming what we hoping for?

The opening line is not meant to be a melodramatic outpour for attention, but a question posed in a song I was listening to while cleaning the apartment. The primary time allocation, for any given day, rests in pondering about the ramification of what I have done. Was this social experiment as flawed as I had first believed when entering this foreign land? Personally, that question is irrelevant due to the fact that it all lies in how the individual perceives the situation to be at any given moment. For instance, the boost in self-esteem and a sense of gratification that comes from having to stand on your own two feet is inestimable. The desires to have someone else do everything for you never really subside but it is dulled by the fact that you are too far away to depend on anyone else but yourself. I will not lie, I have a friend here that has been nothing but hospitable and helpful, but it is nothing similar to what I have at home and that in itself is growth.

Tomorrow will be two weeks since I first embarked on this self-proclaimed personal journey and emotions have been all over the place. My initial reaction was one of remorse and great regret, but now I have to say I am coping rather well to the idea of independence and self preservation.

I still think of all the people back at home when I perform even the most simple of tasks. Washing the dishes reminds me of how everyday I would wake to make breakfast and see a sea of dishes piled up in the sink waiting for someone to clean. Of course, that begins a chain which leads to me washing them because I do not want my mom to come home and have to do dishes on top of everything else she has to do. At work, I think of how difficult it is to get my co-teachers to like me and how much everyone at home cared about me. American culture, and more likely Las Vegas culture, has reared me to be cautious of sudden acts of kindness or helpfulness. Navigating the supermarket is an activity that challenges this very principle. In each aisle, there is an attendant who helps in pointing out the deals, extra savings or the overall most beneficial items for the customer. There are no motives I can see other than to garner costumer loyalty. That is not to say that you should not watch your back and be somewhat alert to your surroundings but there is no need to be as precautious.

October 29, 2008

After communicating with everyone through emails, comments and online messengers, I have found a sense of inner peace. I find myself less home sick and more excited about the year ahead of me which is a relief. I am not saying that it will be easy to maintain this point of view throughout, but for now it is present.

My family and friends have expressed how much they missed me, and I, in turn have went done the same with them. I have found the motivation to carry on and have become more acquainted with my co-workers. After work yesterday, I went on some errands with Mr. Sang Kyeun Yi, before he invited me to dinner with his family. He drove me around to pick up most of the essentials that I have been without for the first four days.

Today, I went to watch another foreign teacher in the classroom with a co-teacher. She was impressive and it was helpful to watch her command the classroom. I have to find a rhythm suitable for me though because I will not be able to emulate her style. I did not stay long and was only able to watch one class but I will have another day tomorrow of observation.

After the observation, Ms. Hye Young Yi and I went for lunch and coffee in downtown. The pizza here is sweet; I believe that they put yams into the crush. I find it agreeable, instead of using all of that excess empty carbohydrates, why not use one that adds flavor and nutrients. The food is amazing here, yesterday I ate in the cafeteria of a school and it surely surpassed the crap they try and feed American students. I have regained the concept of portion control, pacing and to avoid most of the unhealthy items. Once I get situated and figure out what the Korean government expects of me I will begin to exercise more. I live right across from the women’s high school and I can see a track from my window.

People in Korea are serious about their beverages, there are numerous coffee shops, stands and shacks all over Jecheon alone. I am not allowed to pay for much and that bothers me. People at home are probably laughing at the fact that I am troubled about not paying my own way, but I do not always mean it when I tell people to give me money. In other words, the nay-sayers can suck it.

I feel for Young, because although she has been in Jecheon for a year she does not have any friends either. She sold her car and moved away from her family and friends to take a job in a different part of Korea. She is sweet and extremely meek; I have invited her to travel with everyone when they come to visit.

It is affordable to come to Korea right now. At dinner with Mr. Yi’s family, him and I were talking about how bad both of our countries economy is. If you can imagine it, the states are still financially better than some countries. The exchange rate as of today is 100 USD equals 1,384.35 KWON.

This experience has been an awkward one to say the least. I am encountering all of the symptoms of culture shock in a hodge-podge fashion. Not sure how people have survived moving before the internet, it must have been an extremely lonely endeavor.